A breakthrough journey!

Training Camp, 13-15 July 07' @ Impian Country Resort
Group 1
(Hau Shen, Siew Fong, Shan Na, Jasmine, Rey Chuan, Hwai Yi)

This was a camp that I didn't forsee participating initially but having going through 3 days of extensive activities and new found friendships; I would say that this was one of the turning points in my life as I discovered something that I've lost dearly without knowing

- my confidence-

It did not come to me so evidentally that what I thought I had was actually not really intact with me since the time I took off a huge load off my shoulder in college. Letting go a role that I've played for more than 2 years and being absent from it altogether was really a subtle yet deadly blow to me. Following that, college pressure had encapsulated me so much that I don't see myself as being anyone of significance anymore. A first time experience that my lecturer gave me was enough to bring me down to the pits of shatteredness and esteemless image. To top it all off, there wasn't a clear road to recovery until...

Training camp is a class requirement where I needed to be a trainer to the juniors and peers that attended. I didn't thought that I would be leading any group in any activities anymore because I perceive that my time has already passed and now it's time for new blood to gain experience. Furthermore, I was supposed to be one of the trainers in the camp and was kind of expected not to take any frontline roles. But the opportunity came...

Advertisement presentation. That was the change. That was the turning point. That was the opportunity. I stepped up and stood in front of the 40 pairs of eyes looking directly at me. I told myself that I could do it. It's just like any other times that I've done for the past 2 years. "I can, I can do it."...

"Andrew, you don't present like you used to."

"Hey, I think you are lacking of confidence."

"Is there something bothering you?"

"You know, you really stood out from the rest of us in the 1st semester."

"Something happened?"

Receiving these comments from peers wasn't easy at all. It wasn't noble prize attribution nor was it "Grammys". All that was said sank into me like the gigantic "Titanic" sinking. All that I could do is but to come to terms with and admit that I've lost - my confidence.

Ironically, there was a lot of support from close friends and juniors as well. On another occasion when justice was prevailed, they supported and encouraged in the most indirect and silent way. I appreciate all that they've done eventhough they do not really know me that well. A true test lies at the end of the training camp and the resuming of college again. Tonnes of presentation awaits and I'm glad that I've had this valuable experience in camp that changed me tremendously...

I am not so afraid now. I don't fidget like I used to but still stutter sometimes. I think it's coming back again. I don't recognize it fully yet but I know that the road to recovery is never as easy as it seems. Nevertherless, it is crucial that I search myself and claim that wandering piece of me...

-- my confidence--

(The day that I had to present the advertisment)